Gender Dysphoria and Vaginismus
A few years ago I was married to a man and I was living as female (though yes there was hints of my GenderQueerness even then) I was a keen sex toy reviewer, often doing video reviews for a site that was big at the time and I was always eager to request large and unusually shaped and textured dildos.
I would say I was a size queen at one point.
Nowadays I like my toys small, I prefer to use vibes clitorally and penetration isn’t that frequent an occurrence for me.
I find most average sized toys uncomfortable, and that’s no matter how much I warm up first. My love of extreme texture has died off.
But why have my tastes changed so much?
I think Gender Dysphoria has a big part to play in it. Identifying as male inside and having anatomy that doesn’t match is at times a big head-fuck for me. It’s hard to be in tune with that part of my body. External stimulation doesn’t bring up the conflicting feelings that penetration sadly does for me.
At times my body is so uncooperative that using a tampon is a struggle, a menstrual cup even more of a struggle. Which is frustrating given I’m such a fan of menstrual cups.
My body rebels against anything that attempts to enter it and it’s painful and inconvenient and frustrating. It sounds similar to what people with Vaginismus experience but then for me it can ease significantly at times when my feelings of Gender Dysphoria lessen.