A GenderQueer Uterus
For as long as I have been aware of my uterus ~ I have been terribly uncomfortable with the thought of it being inside me. Learning about periods and pregnancy was unsettling and I had initially put that down to being young and squeamish. When these feelings hadn't changed by my twenties I put it down to me not having a desire to have children.
Now I know that it is actually one of the ways I experience gender dysphoria. I just don't believe a womb belongs inside me, it feels like an unwelcome guest in my own body. The part of my body that I relate to the least.
I can usually go about my day without acknowledging it much, but then this unwelcome guest makes its presence well known to me for a few days every month. The longer I go on knowing that this is a gender identity issue~ the harder it is to accept periods as a part of my life that I have to deal with.
Shopping for period products tonight I felt self-conscious. I felt like a man invading a womens space. I don't actually look like a man and wouldn't look out of place buying these products but I was just so aware that my identity and the functions of my body are no match.
I experienced those feelings last month too.. I will likely feel them next month. It's a time when medical transition becomes a tempting thought again...