Periods ~ A GenderQueer Struggle
Last night I had one of those insecure moments.
My period had started that morning. There were no warning cramps beforehand and even my period tracking app didn't predict its arrival for another four days. So I am trans and I am on my period. My body is doing that thing I don't like and it's sore and more than anything it goes against what I want for my body.
I spent the day feeling truly gender dysphoric. It was at the very front of my mind all day that I'm feeling as male as ever and experiencing menstruation.
When my partner got home from work I asked him to be extra nice as it's a difficult time. And he was considerate of course, he's a decent person.
Later that night in bed the subject came up again. It sucks to be trans and have a period! I had a little rant about people gendering periods as a very female experience and how that doesn't help me to accept it.
And that's when I asked the insecure question that I rarely (but sometimes) ask ~ Would you prefer me if I identified as female?
I'm a little embarrassed that I feel the need to ask this at times. Regardless of anyone elses opinion; I know who I am and how I feel, and that is what's important.
My partner told me he couldn't imagine me any other way. He said that he loved me and accepted me. He knows that at one point (before we ever met) I made an effort to act/look feminine and that he found that hard to even picture because he fell for me as my more truthful ~ GenderQueer self.
Periods are an insecure time for me. I can cope with my mismatched brain and body all month long until my body has this monthly function.